As a woman of a certain age, we were taught to acquiesce to our fathers, husbands, preacher, teacher, you name it. Our voice was of no concern. We were meant to be agreeable, to “get along” with family and others.

While there are still many women who follow this dictate there are also many who have refused this teaching and learned to speak for themselves. I admire these women. And for many brave women it has been their down fall. Many have paid with their lives.

What a scary world to live in if every moment your inner being had to be hidden within you. How many women have been hurt, beaten and called names, for simply having a voice.

I myself have been ostracized in my family for being a big mouth. And accepting of other family members that the Christian members would hold in contempt, still believing in a judgmental God. It is heart breaking and at this late stage of my life I would like to be better at speaking for myself.

Now many would say I do, the problems is this teaching handed down to me as a child still reigns as the first thought. Don’t say anything, especially anything that might upset so and so. So, I haven’t and didn’t. My first divorce was the training ground as the ex who promised not to seek custody did in fact do that and with underhanded means won custody and I went from being a mother to a part time care taker.

I didn’t say a word, I let it happen I didn’t have the money or backbone to fight. That is just one example through my life… Also, letting the “teacher” have more influence over me than my deeply buried common sense would have me do. How horrifying!

Frankly I am filled with shame over the many times I kept my mouth shut when I should have said something. Only making the inner bitch in me say something when it wasn’t warranted. I constantly work on forgiving myself.

So I admire those women who say, no way. And mean it. I was married to abusive men for far too long and it has made me strongly single. I have lost trust in people for sure.

This is no way to live. It’s an exaggerated sense of self preservation.

Lately, it is my daughter who in a form of punishment took umbrage with a word I used and now won’t speak to me. No discussion, no trying to make it right, straight up going no contact, which is like a disease in this country right now. I know there are many parents who deserve this treatment but I have been by her side and supported her unconditionally for years. Now there is only silence.

So speak up ladies! Don’t be so concerned with what might happen if the words you are holding back are your truth and truly how you feel. Far better to be alone than to have to shallow your truth over and over again.

I truly believe that if we speak up for ourselves then the right people will move in to our lives and we will once agin be supported and loved for who we are.