I just celebrated another birthday, Holy Shit, they come fast. Used to be 365 days between them, now what is it 6 weeks? Anyway…As part of my spiritual practice I spend some time during the weeks previous doing a review of a kind. I look back over the year and reexamine how the journey went. How did I fill my days? What was my motivating factor? Was I able to stay on track? Or simply how did it go? I keep journals so some of it is the horror of rereading my horror, I seem to bitch more than anything…

The other wonderful thing to do at the time of a review(I’m a poet) is to consider where you are on the world clock and how your doing with where you are at on your personal clock and are they in sync. Is the world a mess and so are you?

My spiritual path gives me a way to study the days of the week and the meaning of the dates our year is tumbling through, and this can help when all seems lost. Working with the world transitions makes life easier, or allows one to rise above the fray, also good. Just knowing the 52 days before your birthday are ruled by the Planet Saturn makes understanding why everything is difficult during that time. Saturn is a strict disciplinarian and you will mind your p’s and q’s.

This last cycle of 7 years have been very difficult for me, starting with my daughter’s loss of her infant son, like a kick directly to the human heart. My eldest son’s incarceration, after the violent end to his marriage, and the subsequent absence of my eldest grandson. And last but not least, the unexpected death of my father. All within 6 weeks, 7 years ago. These events started a massive wave of depression and heartbreak and I have to say I barely got through it intact.

I continued to think I was fine as everyone else was falling. Someone had to pretend to be standing there, so I did. We were actually all falling together. This was also the time marked by the betrayal of my spiritual teacher, so when things fell apart, everything did, everything. The turn on the wheel of life at this point was very much me pushing my car with a flat tire off the road while traffic was not only coming but flying around me. And here we are and 7 years have passed. The worst of it still a receding pain in the heart but it continues to recedes as life moves on. The unwavering depression was the hardest to deal with as a spiritual teacher both to name and accept.

And the words of my grandma float through the air, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

Life is a journey and life does goes on if you are into living life. Remembering that the stages of life are inevitable can make the journey a little less terrifying. And, Just like riding a merry go round, your path will give you many opportunities to catch that gold ring but sometimes the ride through the year is just as fun as looking forward to the times when the gold ring is in the air. The older you get the more even the rough days have weight and are not necessarily all bad, just turns in the road. The ole wisdom comes through experience thing.

I like doing a review, it does force me to reevaluate what I may have previously designated as negative and that is necessary for growth. Most of the middle years are for career, partnership relationship and family. These may not be the make up of your next phase, call it my late mid years, they sure aren’t on mine. I am on a solo trip right now and I mean in every possible way. I hold my own council and do not look to any one in flesh for help, all my most important relationships outside my children are in the spiritual realm.

I am working on a spiritual path that is just my day, just the way I live. Where every day is magical because I got to wake up. Every day is a gift because I have health and strength to live it on my own. And most importantly I have a strong heart that understands heartbreak is just an exercise designed to make me stronger still.